My first time

I never thought that one day I will be living and raising my kids in Japan, a country known for its low crime rate, amazing public transportation system, tidy bureaucracy and Sakura flowers. But here I am for already 10 years.

When first time I landed in Japan I thought “This is the paradise on earth!”. Everywhere was shiny clean. Children were rolling on the airport and mall floors or streets and parents enjoying the view. Anywhere I turned, everyone was polite, smiling and bowing. What a miracle!

Then I arrived at the apartment my husband rented especially for us. Compared to the room I was living back home, this apartment had a low ceiling. I could raise my hand and touch it freely. And I thought “Don’t Japanese people get claustrophobic with such low ceilings?”.

And, like most of the Japanese houses, was lacking central heating or any other thermal isolation. The winters were terribly cold. Taking a shower was a torment. The A/C was “feeding the birds”: the walls were so thin that everything was going out. Only later on I learnt, that traditionally Japanese houses were built for the air to flow in and out, because the summers are humid and hot. But winters….Oh! Winters… “Welcome Frozen Winds! Would you like a cup of iced-tea?”

So, settled we were and I was thinking about socializing. I wanted to have lots of friends, to be part of the Japanese society. My husband told me that even if I try to be a part of it, I will always be considered as an outsider. And he was right! In spite of 10 years of my being here, doing everything possible to fit in, I am still “that foreign lady” for most of the people. I remember how, back then, one school-girl saw me, stopped her bicycle, looked at me with big eyes and exclaimed unbelievably “GAIJIN” (which means foreigner). She was struck by my being there and I was surprised by her reaction (though didn’t show it), and I felt as if I am an alien. We lived in a city with fewer foreigners, less young people, and populated mostly by aged Japanese. No wonder that girl was so taken aback by me.

4 years later we moved in a bigger city, with lots of students and foreigners around. I do have lots of friends, I do socialize more, but still doing my best to fit it. And winters are as cold as before. Maybe just a little bit warmer. Or maybe I changed?